South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize