giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize