i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
