he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize