Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize