i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
