You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
