I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
