He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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