I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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