If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
