No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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