the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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