so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
