Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
