Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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