Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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