My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize