..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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