Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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