i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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