I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
