I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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