he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
