i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
