i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
