Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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