those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Panties = found
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
