I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
