Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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