its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Randomize
