Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I love black thongs
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize