Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
