He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
