dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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