Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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