Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
