At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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