i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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