I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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