I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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