Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
