(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
