walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
