Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
