there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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