My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
