I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
