hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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