i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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