So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
