Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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