SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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