i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
