So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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