I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i came on her dog
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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