The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
