when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
