She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
"it" just moved
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
