Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize