i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
