She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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