don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
