I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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