is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize