Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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