the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
