he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
