he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
