I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize