I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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