No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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