If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
