they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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